Memories of the heart
by wolf of infinity
Summary: “I’m… sorry…” I whispered. “I made you cry…” There's something very wrong with Zexion, and it's killing him. How come he suddenly remembers the pain of his previous life...? ZEMYX SHOUNEN AI/YAOI


**Yo! This is just a story I've been writing lately. ****Mind you, I'm a Kingdom Hearts fan, but I've never played the game myself, only seen cut scenes and read fan fiction and facts about it… ^.^ Therefore, some of it might not be accurate, but hey, it's my story and it's just fan fiction :3**

**It's a Zemyx story, so naturally it's Shounen Ai/Yaoi, so if it ain't your cup of tea, then just don't read, eh? ;) Flamers will be used to light a fire to keep me warm these cold winter days!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts or it's characters. **

**Hope you'll like the story ^.^**

---o---

_I couldn't breathe…_

_couldn't think…_

_My whole body was screaming for oxygen, but when I tried to breathe in the much needed air, more water flowed down my air ways and into my burning lounges. _

_Everything was dark…_

_I saw nothing but bubbles and dark, suffocating liquid as I sank further and further downwards. I could feel my pulse beating, could hear the rapid beats and it felt like my chest and head would explode, as the pressure grew steadily with the depth…_

_I tried to reach out, but I was all alone… no one knew I was drowning and no one would come to my rescue… With a pang of fear I realized it…_

_I was going to die…_

_My lips were parted in a desperate try to get oxygen, but to no use… no more air bubbles… My eyes closed, and then…_

_Darkness…_

---o---

"…ion… Zexion… ZEXION!" I gasped and darted up, eyes wide with fear, panic and confusion, tears staining my cheeks as I struggled to breathe properly, body trembling and vision blurry…

As I blinked to try and clear my vision my senses started working again. The scent of sea and a slight bit of the fresh aroma of a forest after a thunderstorm…

_Demyx…_

"Zexion! Oh thank God…" my vision cleared but I barely had the time to focus on his face before he pulled me into a desperate embrace. He was trembling and held me to him like his life depended on it.

"You were screaming and then you… you stopped breathing, Zexion… I was t-terrified…" he murmured in a scared tone, voice small. That would explain why my chest still hurt.

I felt a bit uncomfortable, but still the warmth of his embrace was pleasant. The scent of the younger Nobody reminded me eerily of the nightmare, though… I felt my body tense on it's own accord and he quickly let go of me, looking embarrassed and apologetic.

"Sorry…" he said quickly. I didn't say anything. My body and mind was slowly starting to get over the nightmare and I had calmed down a bit. I dried of the tear stains on my cheeks hurriedly, feeling embarrassed and now guilty too…

"What happened, Zexion…?" I could tell he was truly upset, because he used my full name. That and his cerulean eyes were scared still.

What _had _happened…? It wasn't a memory of mine, as far as I knew… Nightmares weren't so unusual, but that had felt so real… I could feel the immense agony as I sank and I really hadn't been able to breathe…

"I… I don't know…" I murmured quietly. Suddenly I realized I was lying on the couch in the library, and the book I had been reading lay on the floor beside it. When had I fallen asleep…?

"I was just going to get you for dinner… You never showed up and I figured you were here… Didn't expect to find you like this, though…" the blonde sitarist broke of uncertainly.

I stood, and hid the dizziness that washed over me along with an eerie pain in my chest.

"You ok…?" Demyx asked carefully. I just nodded, putting on my indifferent expression as I walked out of the room towards the kitchen, The melodious nocturne following me.

---o---

"Hey, Zexion! You want to hear a new song I've made…?" Demyx looked at me with a hopeful expression on his features.

Having nothing better to and just passing through the hall of Empty Melodies on my way to nowhere in particular, I shrugged and stopped. He smiled beamingly at me, the smile that for some strange reason made it feel like something was fluttering inside me.

I watched as his fingers started expertly tracing over the strings of his sitar. The melody was beautiful as usual, a soft smile resting on his lips as he played. It was a sad and melancholy melody, but beautiful non the less.

I closed my eyes for a second… and then it happened…

Gasping as immense agony shot through my body, my hand shot up to clutch at my cloak at the chest region, as it was there the pain was worst.

"Zexion…?!" Demyx stopped playing, but I could hardly notice as a strangled cry escaped my mouth involuntarily and I toppled over, hitting the floor with a loud thud, hearing the nocturne's panicked shout…

---o---

_Once again I was sinking…_

_But this time, it was different. I tried to move, and at first it worked as I tried getting up, but then something grabbed my wrist and I was pulled back down into the darkness. I couldn't hold my breath anymore, and once again I was choking…_

_Drowning…_

'_Help me…' I thought desperately. _

_Tears of panic and agony mixed with the sea water and I stopped struggling against the thing that was pulling me down to the bottom. Suddenly I could hear voices… alarmed, blurry voices that were shouting something…_

_I couldn't comprehend what they were saying, and when I opened my mouth to call for help, more water flowed down into my lounges. _

_Suddenly a cold, icy laughter floated through the water from the deep beneath me and I tried to turn to look down. I saw nothing, heard only the frighteningly familiar laughter, filled with evil and morbid fascination…_

_I could barely see anything but then suddenly I could see a pair of eyes in the darkness to where I was pulled by black strings…_

_Silver__, cold eyes that made me want to scream. New strength flowed through me and I struggled to get away… A pair of gloved hands came towards me, ready to grab me, and panic filled me before everything went black…_

_---o---_

I opened my eyes and felt hands touch me as well as voices… Still unaware of my surroundings, I could still see those silver eyes in my mind… it was _him_… He was coming for me again…!

I gasped for air and immediately pain flew through me, filling me… blood was thundering in my ears as my panic rose and I darted up, stumbling desperately away. I couldn't see them, it was blurry and I couldn't focus on anything…

"Zexion?!" that voice was familiar but I couldn't place it…

"What is going on?!" I heard another voice ask, sounding alarmed and scared even.

"The fuck…?!" a third voice said.

Someone came closer and stretched out. I gave a frightened yelp, fully aware of but unable to stop the tears of fear running down my cheeks.

I stumbled backwards until I felt solid wall behind me, trembling. My vision slowly started to clear again, but it still hurt so much…

"Zexion?! What's wrong?! It's just me…!" that voice… so soft and melodious, yet marred with fear and confusion… The smell of sea hit my senses again and finally the room and persons around me started to come back to focus…

"D-Demyx…?" I whispered weakly as his beautiful face finally was clear in front of me. He looked terrified and pale…

I had no idea what I was doing, but before my mind managed to protest, I flung myself at him and he grabbed me with a small gasp of surprise as I clung to him, burying my face in his chest and sobbing…

His strong arms wrapped around me, holding me to him tightly as I trembled. He whispered reassuring words to me and I could hear the others talking, but not caring.

"Now I've never… What on earth happened…?" I heard Xigbar murmur.

"I seriously thought he was going to die on us… Just stopped breathing and started crying and writhing like that, as though the devil himself was after him…" Axel's voice came, strangely serious and shaken for once.

"It's happened before… Well, not this bad…" Demyx said and they went silent.

"What?!" Roxas' voice came after a while.

"When I found him in the library the other day," Demyx murmured, still holding me tightly. "He… stopped breathing…"

I had slowly calmed down and finally I managed to breathe at least somewhat regularly, pulling gently away from Demyx.

"What's going on, Zexion…?!" the blonde nocturne asked worriedly. I felt dizzy and imagined the golden eyes again, shuddering.

"H-he's coming for me…" I whispered shakily, flinching at how small and scared my voice was.

"Who's coming for you…?" Axel asked, confused.

"He found me … D-Demyx, he's going to k-kill me…!" I said. Suddenly exhaustion washed over me and my eyes closed as I fell against his strong chest.

"Z-Zexion…!" he gasped, supporting me as I struggled to stay conscious.

"I d-don't want… to die…" I whispered weakly before everything went dark and I fell unconscious.

---o---

I don't know how long I was out, but when I awoke, I was lying in my bed and I felt awful, heavy and dizzy… My whole body shivered with some sort or cold that seemed to come from inside me.

I didn't open my eyes, only lay there, feigning sleep, too exhausted to face the reality just yet. My senses slowly came back to me and I could make out two people in the room… They were talking, but it sounded like it came through a layer of cotton.

"… unconscious… really bad… fever… terrified…" I could only make out some of the words and the voice sounded familiar. I realized it was Demyx'...

"He's… waking up… wonder who… talking about…" _Axel…_

"Poor thing… completely exhausted… whatever it… killing him…"

Wait, there were three people in there…? I smelled again, but I still could only smell two people in the room, the melodious nocturne and the flurry of dancing flames…

A hand met with my forehead, feeling strangely cold… A small, involuntary whimper broke from my lips as I opened my eyes, blinking the haziness away.

"Zexion! Thank God…!" I heard Demyx gasp.

"Thought you'd never wake up…!" Axel's voice came…

But I looked blurrily at the person standing my bed, removing his hand from my forehead. My eyes met with Marluxia's blue ones…

I nearly did a double take, feeling both confused and alarmed. Marluxia smelled of flowers and honey… How could he stand there, and not smell a thing…? Had my senses betrayed me for the first time or was something wrong…?

He looked completely normal… or, wait… his eyes had a strange expression I'd never seen in them before.

"How are you feeling?" the pink-haired man asked, concerned.

Blinking out of my thoughts I started feeling the pain.

"My chest hurts… and my head…" I murmured quietly. "How long… have I been out…?"

"Two days, dude… What's going on?" Axel asked, sounding worried.

Thinking about it, I remembered the silver eyes of the person I thought I was rid of for good. Why hadn't I remembered him before…? Well, I supposed it was because of me becoming a nobody.

The amnesia and all…

But why did I remember him now…?! Knowing him, he would have come just to rid the world of me… how had he found me?! I had started as Ansem's apprentice to get away from him, I had deleted all traces of my past life, even setting my own death to get away…!

How the hell did he find out that I was still alive?!

I started suddenly. Ansem's apprentice… that's right, I had been, along with five others of the Organization… something had gone wrong… an explosion or an attack or something… and when I woke up, I was changed… heartless… a nobody without feelings…!

"Zexion? Don't tell me you're going to pass out on us again?!" I heard Axel say worriedly. I blinked, realizing I had been completely lost in my thoughts and my shock. I stared at them with wide eyes.

"I… I can remember… My name was Ienzo… I can remember everything that happened before I became a nobody…!" I whispered.

They stared at me. I could tell they were as shocked and confused as me.

"Does it have anything to do with you passing out…?" Demyx asked carefully. I thought about it and was about to say that I didn't know when suddenly I felt a sharp pain in my chest.

"Zexy…?!"

I struggled to breathe, but I could only feel the terrible agony writhing through my body like poison and then I gasped as I felt something thump inside my chest, first slowly then faster and steadier…

Everything went black and suddenly I could see different scenes from my life as Ienzo, as a somebody…

---o---

"_You can't get away, brat!" the tall, muscular man with the silver, icy cold eyes sneered, a sickening grin on his features. His eyes were wide and insane, evil and murderous..._

_I struggled to get to my feet, my breath hitching as my whole body burned with newly inflicted pain. He lifted his hand and I gave a small yelp of pain as it collided with my cheek. Falling back on the floor, I scrambled away from him, not able to stand on my left ankle._

"_You're the worst monster in the world, and such monsters need to be punished for existing! I'm doing the right thing, a freak like you don't deserve any better!!" he shouted and the words hit me as hard as his beating, my chest turning._

"_P-please… I'm sorry…!" I pleaded, not sure if I was apologizing for existing or for angering him, although I knew he enjoyed hurting me more than anything in the world. It was like it was his goal, his one point in life… blaming everything on his freak for a son and then 'punishing'…_

_He didn't listen and I gasped as he kicked me hard in my stomach, making me lose my breath and coughing and struggling to breathe again. Blood landed on the floor when I coughed and tears were streaming down my cheeks._

_Then he changed. His eyes became calmer, but still insane, and a soft smile that never reached his eyes appeared on his face. It made me sick, because I knew then what was coming next…_

_He crouched down next to me and ran a hand gently over my cheek then down, under my sweater… The hand went lower and I whimpered as he started pulling of my pants and boxers… _

"_No… please… I'm sorry… just don't…" I pleaded desperately, voice small with fear and pain, but of course, he didn't listen…_

_**_

_The waves hit against the cliff with deadly strength as I looked down into those fuming masses. My eyes, or rather my one seeing one, eyed the water with a broken expression. My right eye was blind after the beating I had received, my whole body still ached in pain after the last time he decided I needed punishment…_

_The last time he had satisfied his own sick needs._

_I felt broken. Disgusting. Dirty. Completely ruined… Standing up on the rail and threading over, I looked down. It was so far. Maybe the fall alone would kill me…? It would be preferable, but knowing my luck, it wasn't going to happen…_

"_I'm sorry… for existing…" I whispered quietly, my voice weak and small as tears ran down my cheeks. _

_I vaguely heard someone shout something behind me, an unfamiliar voice, but I didn't care and then… I jumped…_

_The water was wonderful… I felt the pain be washed away into blissful neutrality as the currents pulled me down… I was going to die now, this was it… the world would be rid of me once and for all…_

_That thought brought me painfully out of the bliss and I felt fear creep into my mind again. It was dark… everything was spinning around me as I was lead away with the currents._

_Without even being aware of it, my body started struggling to get up to the surface… I felt my lounges longing for forbidden air and my heart beating hard in my ears as the pressure got larger the deeper I sank_

_I had no knowledge of what was up and what was down… was this right…? Was it really right to give up like this?_

_Did I even want to die…?_

_I reached out for someone… _anyone_… to help me, but I was all alone… Darkness closed in on me and no more air bubbles escaped my lips as my eyes glazed over and everything went dark…_

_But right before I collapsed, I could swear I felt an arm around me and someone pulling me up…_

_**_

_My throat burned and the minute fresh air hit my face I threw up all the water that had flowed into my lounges. I turned sideways, not really caring where I threw up and coughed violently, wiping my mouth shakily before falling back on my back, exhausted. It hurt so much, I could hardly breathe, but the fresh air tasted delicious all the same._

_I was alive…!_

_Opening my eyes, vision blurred and unfocused I looked into a concerned face… the face of a man with silver hair and golden, kind and worried eyes… an expression of compassion was written in them that I had never seen in anyone before…_

"_I… d-don't want to die…" I whispered, tears running down my cheeks as I realized it. No matter how much my life sucked, I just couldn't find that I wanted to die… I had realized it when I was down in that water…_

_I was completely broken, exhausted and drained. I was barely conscious when the large man lifted me up easily into his arms and walking away. My mind vaguely wondered where he was taking me, but I was too tired to care…_

_**_

"_Ienzo, I would like you to become my apprentice," Ansem said. The silver-haired man smiled as I positively lit up like a flame. _

_That was what I had been working for, ever since Ansem let me live at his academy and get private lessons by himself or his other five apprentices. I had really been finding myself at Radiant Garden, and found that I loved both experiments and reading and maths and science… and everything that came with being Ansem's apprentice, really._

"_Really?! I'd… I'd really like that!!" I said, not able to control my happiness. He smiled kindly and at that moment I was truly happy for the first time in my life. I was rid of my twisted father, he could never find me now… I had made friends and had somewhere to call home, unusual as it was._

_**_

_But he had found me… suddenly I stood before him again, in all his tall and deadly glory. Silver eyes bored into mine as a sick smirk appeared on his otherwise icy cold expression. _

"_So… you thought you would get away from me, Ienzo…? That was a big mistake… You will end in your death, I will not allow a monster like you to inhabit the world still and surely I won't let you be happy! You don't deserve it, and you know it, you piece of filth!"_

_He threw himself forward, and my body felt like it weighed several tons as his large hands encircled around my neck, cutting of my air supply harshly. I choked and coughed, struggling to get away from him. Tears ran down my cheeks once again and I pleaded inwardly for help…_

_---o---_

"MARLUXIA, WHAT THE HELL?!" Axel stared as the pink-head's hands encircled around my throat, choking me. He ran forward and tried to knock him away, but some sort of barrier stopped him.

I stared up at the man in front of me and my eyes widened. Cold, silver eyes stared back at me… This wasn't Marluxia…! But how… how could it be…?

"LET GO OF HIM…!!!" Demyx screamed. Then Marluxia suddenly transformed in front of us, and changed to the man I knew in stead of Marluxia. That's why I couldn't sense him… he wasn't the real Marluxia…

"What the… who the hell are you?!" Axel and Demyx were trying to break the barrier, but it was to no use. I felt my vision blurring and coughed harshly as the hands tightened. My hands were trembling as I struggled to free myself from his grip.

"S-stop…!!!" Demyx screamed and I could see tears running down his cheeks as he desperately tried to break through, hitting the barrier with his fists. I looked at the silver-eyed man in front of me and suddenly I felt a burning anger at him for making Demyx cry like that…

My body burned with pain but also the familiar tingling as my lips drew up in a growl and I felt my powers shoot out from my body in pulsating waves… All I could see was the man in front of me and his eyes widened as the immense urge of power emitted from my body, and he gasped as he dropped me, as though he had burnt himself.

"I will _never_ let you control me again…! You're out of my fucking life, and you'll stay there!!!" I lifted my hands and he screamed in pain as his body was encircled by shadows and then the life was sucked out of him and he disappeared in a cloud of dust…

He was gone… it was finally over… my father was dead…!

All strength was zapped out of me, however, and as the barrier disappeared along with him I stumbled and fell forward, only to be caught by Demyx's strong arms.

He slumped down and laid my head on his lap as I breathed in weak, laboured gasps. "Z-Zexion…! Are you all right?! Z-Zexy…?" he asked, scared, tears dripping from his cerulean eyes.

I looked at him weakly and gave a small, sad smile as I felt life run out of me. Using my inhuman powers had always taken a lot of my strength, and this time, my body couldn't take it…

"I'm… sorry…" I whispered. "I made you cry…" my eyes started to drift shut and I saw Axel and Xigbar look scared and confused. Some of the other members arrived too only to fall quiet when they saw us.

"D-Demyx… I… l-love you…" I whispered weakly before a blurry shadow fell over my vision and I drew a shuddering breath only to feel like sinking into darkness…

"W-what…?! N-no, don't say that, you're going to be f-fine…!" Demyx said desperately. "R-right…? You can't die, Zexy…!" he cried.

"I'm sorry…" my eyes closed and I could hear him screaming my name as I took a last breath and everything went black…

---o---

I gasped, opening my eyes with a start, air filling my lounges as my confused and disoriented mind tried to figure out where I was. My breath came quickly as my heart beat rapidly in my chest…

Wait… my heart…?!

Struggling to sit up, there was suddenly movement beside me and a pair of hands pushed me down again, gently but firmly.

I tried to get away from them, my mind still confused and my eye still too blurry to see details clearly. My body hurt, but it wasn't as bad as before.

"Please, stay put, sir, calm down," I heard a voice say gently. Blinking rapidly to clear my vision, I looked up to see a slowly clearer face. A woman stood there, dressed in… nurse clothes…?

I was confused and my eyes then drifted around the room to notice the white walls and roof, and also white bed sheets, draped over me as a machine was beeping steadily along with my heart.

It was proof. I really had a heart again… It was back…!

"W-where… what…?!" I managed to croak out weakly. She smiled calmly.

"You're in the hospital, sir," she said. "You were found on the beach, half dead and exhausted, but you don't seem to be hurt anywhere. You've been here, unconscious for a few days now."

A hospital…?

Beach?

But I had died, hadn't I…? Was this heaven? Hell? No, I was alive, and I was no longer a nobody…

Suddenly I felt a feeling that I had to get somewhere… A strong sensation of urgency pulling at me...

The nurse gasped as I, with rapid movements sat up, pulled out the tubes that bound me to the machines and darted out of the bed, only dressed in light blue hospital pyjamas. My feet didn't work at first and I stumbled, but then I ran out of the room, ignoring her screams for me to stop.

I didn't know where I was going, but I went left down the white, sterilized corridor as fast as my shaking feet would take me, passing doctors and nurses and other people who called after me.

I continued taking left, then right… my senses and instincts driving me and my heart thumping faster the further I went and the closer I got to whatever it was that was driving me there. I ran down the corridor and then rounded a corner, freezing with shock.

Tears welled up in my eyes as I saw the person standing in the other end, also dressed in hospital pyjamas, with the familiar, sandy blonde hairstyle and the cerulean, beautiful eyes. He was staring at me, tears running down his cheeks as well, panting, as he too had been running.

Picking up speed again, I ran towards him, my feet stumbling a few times with exhaustion, but still carrying me.

He stumbled towards me as well and then we met and my arms went around him, desperately clinging to him as we both sank to the floor in each other's embrace.

I didn't estimate the doctors and nurses that had followed both of us as they stopped a few metres away, looking at us with surprise and shock, but some of them also seeming touched.

"I… I love you too, Zexion…!" he cried into my shoulder as he held me tightly. "D-don't you ever leave me like that again… I c-couldn't let you go alone…!"

And I held him a bit away from me before letting my lips meet his in a careful, tired but still passionate kiss…

"I won't… I'll never leave you, Dem…" I murmured softly.

_Never__ again…_

It was completely illogical. We had died but now we existed more than we had ever done. We had hearts… we had emotions… we had a new beginning. A chance to start all over again, together.

Finally we were somebodies again. Finally, after all the longing and the pain…

…_We were free…_

_**_

~Owari~

**Hope you liked it ^.^ R&R, please ;)**


End file.
